It Could Only Happen To Me !

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K9 hardly ever chews the mail …Today obviously being the exception !!  was it junk mail ?? OH NO !! was it a flyer for something we won’t ever need OH NO !!  it has to be something important doesn’t it !!

Why K9 chose to chew my verification for my application for college I have no idea

Now my quandary is do I just return it …or return it with a note explaining K9  took a fancy to it .. or just write a link to this blog  on the envelope so they know exactly what my life is like. I’m  sure my long running drama’s with our local postman should be documented somewhere in the postal system, this can now be added to the list 🙂



42 thoughts on “It Could Only Happen To Me !

  1. all teachers should read this post, it’s the evidence that “dog ate my homework” really happens. Easy ate my passport once and he also chewed on the papers for getting a new one… how embarrassing… I sent my father with an authorization to the passport office :O)))

  2. Sam always eats the post given the chance – we have to leave a box outside if we won’t be around when Henry the Postie arrives. I would just attach a note explaining the the dog chewed your forms … I’m sure they will be amused!!

  3. OH NO!!! What is the world coming too..??..Was it the Beloved K9..?? OR, was it The postie..?? LOL ;-/
    More importantly…..You are enrolling for a new course!!!? Goodness, I’m sure you have us ALL guessing in what??!…We need to know :-D?
    Are you taking up that brain transplant surgery course 😉 Sure I would qualify for a freeby trial!!?

    1. Do you think it really could have been the postie ?? ~ could he have a new novel about to be published ??? could he be capitalising on his previous best sellers ??
      Brain transplant surgery could be on my list depending on how I do on the level 3 Health & Social Care ~ it’s for ‘The Workplace’ that’s if I don’t get thrown off the course for my irresponsibility regarding the Royal Mail

      1. Pseudonyms!!….do you reckon he may be quilling multi titles under many different guises??? He could be raking in a fortune on the little notes he has been taking and escalating the truths into fabulous fictions many times over!! Just wait till he adds Millicent into his mix!!!! I wonder, have you noticed many different posties covering his rounds?? Could be that he is taking advantage of spending his royalties on luxury holidays 😉
        LOL receiving back your chewed application, you may just get put straight through to trauma care!;-/ ! Though ignoring that fact, and, doing well on your level 3 H&SC should see you well on the way to wearing a surgeons gown!!…get those brain transplant patients lined up 😉 !!!!

      2. I have it on first hand knowledge (from ye locals sat outside the hostelry) that ‘Farmer Field’ has been exchanging information via wireless telecommunications with said Postie regarding some “Old duck in an ancient motorised carriage holding THEM up” on the byways ~ you can take it from me THEY were speeding in charge of a combine harvester no less !! honestly what is the world coming too…the fact they are letting me study for H&SC level 3 says it all 😀

      3. OMGoodness!…and… they say it’s women that gossip!!!!!!!!..your local grapevine must be buzzing atm?!!
        I wonder…???…so empowering (maybe/perhaps)?! to be The Absolute topic of conversation of the ‘The Tangled Backwoods’ …Your stardom is assured from here on in Mrs P!! I’m reckoning there is a posse of journalists en route right now to capture the action…Headline:’How a novice Morris Eight driver, took down a Combined Harvester (…to speed ~ no less)!’ LOL!!!
        I should give that postie a right good looking at with a raised eyebrow too, the next time you see him!! You never know, the shock and awe might even make him think about sharing his royalties, for you, to keep him in your good books 😉

      4. I’m more worried about a farmers blockage ..but then again that just might work to my advantage it’s not like they would be driving too slow !! in fact I’d be peddling as fast as possible to try & keep up LOL

      5. I shouldn’t ever worry about trying to get Millicent to go faster, all her beauty can be admired for longer as you cruise by with slow demure passage 😉
        And, when the farmer’s get used to your weekly maneuvers around the country lanes, I’m sure they will consider using the dead of night to get there faster…could benefit lots of you having Millicent keep tractors off the roads LOL

      6. Beloved & I have just been out for our Wedding Anniversary lunch using Millicent as our preferred method of transport …by the time we had worked out a route so not to go on the A17 …well lets just say we had a gentle sedate potter around the houses LOL and what a glorious date to boot

      7. How romantic!!!! And A Very Happy Anniversary to you both too :-D!!
        Sounds like you had a wonderful day ! I can just imagine the scene…Your Beloved taking the wheel (maybe?) keeping one eye on the road and the other on the love of his life (You, of course) the windows rolled down, the summer breeze billowing through and ruffling your headscarf as you gaze lovingly at Your Beloved……:-D….
        And after a good few years, you still call it a date 🙂 Sooo lovely!!

      8. Your spycam caught it all on film I see, you have described it to perfection, this is the one day of the year where we both refuse to compromise & make sure we spend the day together, us old un’s know a good thing when we see it 🙂

      9. LOL…And justly so!!! Such a special day should never be compromised, if at all possible!! I’m happy the spycam is working to perfection…!!

        ..which is more than I can say for my computer monitor ;-( Apparently it has fallen out with the computer (or other way around??) as informed by my tech wizard daughter….SIGH!!! I am having intermittent problems with flashing messages crashing over my screen, so, can only do computing when one or the other give in and let me play instead!! Technology is soo much hard work at times LOL

      10. LOL Only you could have a computermebob which is having ‘issues’ with it’s monitor, these flashing images ?? are you sure they are not stout induced ??? I remember last time you went over your quota of a ‘thimble full’ we had to talk down from off the roof as you decided to take your annual spring clean to the max … mind you you do now have the cleanest slates known to man

      11. LOL I remember the very episode…taking to the dizzying heights after just a thimble…and a half!! Mind you Dearest is very proud of his roof! Which he did some thirty years ago and reckons it should outlast us by another 50+ years!! Did I ever mention he ran off with my pastry brush?? He’s quite fastidious when it comes to dusting…it now resides in his van, so that he can dust down nooks and crevices on the dashboard ;-/…can’t say I’ve gotten that bad just yet, even on a full blown spring clean assault LOL
        If anything random can go wrong with a computer, it’s sure to be mine (think it does it on purpose just to get a technophobe on edge!!) Though the pairing of a new hard drive with windows 10 a 15 year old monitor does not make a match in heaven, they are constantly bickering at each other ~ though a small stout does lessen the flashing immovable menu display when it’s in full thrombi mode 😉

      12. A Dearest with a knack for cleaning ?? does this new hobby extend as far as your dwelling ?? if so put me down for a visit LOL
        Ah windows 10 ….what the fudge is that all about …I had an ongoing relationship with windows 7 we got on, could communicate and worked reasonably well together …those were the days

      13. I know!!! I wish they would stop advancing technologies especially when I’ve only just got to grips with something ;-/
        btw he does keep his own duster next to where he sits, just for the tv LOL

  4. Mrs.P … there are only so many times you can blame that poor, wee, innocent dog of yours. He has the face of an angel and I know for certain that he wouldn’t chew any post because … well he just wouldn’t!

    Just phone the college and tell them that you were so stressed about filling in the form that you had a choice of either stress incontinence turning up again, or chewing on the corner of the forms. You chose chomping the forms. They’ll understand and send you new forms in the post. But you have to promise that when the postman brings them you’ll chomp down on a rolled up newspaper until you’ve finished filling in the form and send it back to them.

    As for the stress incontinence … well that’s nothing that a mop and bucket won’t sort out on your return from the post office.

    So … what are you hoping to study at college? (Of course, that’s presuming that the college will let you in once they’re aware of your highly complex problems. I mean to say … they will only have so much available in their funds to do the photo-copying of forms etc that you might need, and also money to cover the extra shifts of the cleaners who may have to be called in goodness knows how many times, for cleaning that they might not want to be involved in.)

    [I am so so giggling my head off here! and yes, I know you want to kill me. lol]
    Aww … sending ooodles of squidges ~ Cobs. x
    (oh… I’ve just had a thought… you’re going to get your own back for this. Oh dear! Oh deary deary me!) eeeek!

    1. Firstly I’m now beginning having my doubts that K9 was involved … as I have no actual evidence it was him.
      Daughter in law is a Mental Health Nurse & 2nd born is about to start year 2 as a student nurse & they both assure me that my name has already been flagged up on the collage computer system (although neither of them would say why …strange that) so I should just go ahead and post the darn thing back.
      I’m virtually always studying at ‘The Workplace’ mostly it’s in house but Level 3 in Health & Social Care is college based hence my enrolment form.
      Now lets talk stress incontinence …. I’ll have you know I can crack walnuts with my inner thighs due to the amount of force I exert when crossing my legs when I sneeze …. I now have the feeling that A) your jealous & B) I’ve just shared WAY too much information LOL
      I need to have a little shopping expedition for my college course ~ pens, note pad, pencil case ..wet floor sign (just in case) I also figure if I take to carrying a Linus blanket ..A la the Charlie Brown cartoon I could use it to swish around the floor to mop up any ‘unfortunate incident’
      I’m unsure whether to go for a backpack or ye oh so fashionable chic old lady shopper on wheels bags to carry all my stuff around …when I caught sight of your tartan one I have to admit to being green with envy, and yes you did look cool in your anorak and turban hat, just wondering why you had gorilla feet slippers on ??? but in hindsight it was a look only you could carry off
      PS I’m now laughing sooo much I think my Tena Lady pants are due for a quick change 😀

      1. You’re doing a “Collage” course? So, you’re just going to copy and paste everything?
        [ok. giggle machine aleady working, so typing is going to be hit and miss because I jiggle when I giggle]. …(“Collage”. . . you’ve obviously got crafting on the brain. I wonder if that’s a bit like water on the knee?)

        I’m glad you brought up my vintage Tartan old lady shopping trolley because I’ve been looking for this since your last visit and, finally, now I know why I can’t find it . . . YOU’VE ‘ALF INCHED IT! Oh you bad, sticky fingers girl.

        The “Collage” are building a long list of your problems – to add to the incontinence and paper/letter chewing, and your Psychological Projection (blaming the dog and now the poor Postman for damage to your post in order to hide your paper oriented ‘gratifications’ relating to your stress levels), and so far, last I heard, the said list is now three A4 pages full!

        Darling, much loved friend, you may keep the tartan trolley. It will aid you in the collecting of empty cans, plastic bottles and plastic bags you pick up on your wanderings around your locality, which amuses the locals, but your darling long suffering husband not so much as he has to find new ways to make these ‘treasures’ disappear.

        The “Collage” are now, as we speak, adding ‘Kleptomania’ and ‘Hoarding’ to the list of your peccadilloes.

        But for all your problems:- the bed wetting, the cutting up of my marigold gloves to make teats so you can drink like a baby from your beer bottles; blaming the dog for the ‘smells’ – although clearly audible and not coming from the direction of the dog; blaming the dog for destroying the post; blaming the postman for the same thing; the puddles you leave on the floor as you shop, worrying about which bag of frozen pees to buy; click —>
        … even with all these problems, I still love you to ‘peeces’.

        Ooohhhh! the penny has just dropped!: ‘Mrs. P’ … I get it! The ‘P’ means ….. well, we know what it means and we’ll leave it at that, eh?

        My anorak … turban … and gorilla feet slippers … They are the height of Chic and all the rage in gay Paris, donchewno! But you failed to noticed the fruit hot glued to the side and back of my turban – the colours of which match my eyes and pallor. The plastic grapes sadly became detached and slipped down the back of my trousers where they’re now permanently adhered. I know now what people are talking about when they speak of ‘The Grapes of Wrath!’.

        I’ll pop to your local off licence where they keep a stock of your Tenna Lady especially for you, and see if they’ll maybe sell me a pack to perhaps help cushion the affect those grapes are having on my posterior when I sit down.

        Sending oodles of love, and a big bucket to catch that ….. Mrs.’P stuff’.
        I must go now because my ribs are aching from laughing too much, and my face is red because I’m finding it difficult to breathe in as I’m laughing ‘out’ and running out of air.
        I shall sign off ….
        love ~ Co..o.o.b……… _/\___/\_____/\______/\_____________ [flat line]

      2. HAHAHAHAHAHA *clutching my side* because I have stitch in my side laughing so much.
        I as a north midlands accent n’ as I is trying to better me sen like, surely college is pronounced collage ??
        Many thanks for the ‘lending’ of said tartan trolley, it sure makes my magpie tendencies of stashing away shiny milk bottle tops a whole lot easier to drag round …I have to take them with me everywhere in case someone wants to steal my ‘pretties’
        So sorry to hear you are being plagued by piles again, does the cushion you have sellotaped to your posterior offer you no relief at all ?? although I do think Mr Cobs idea of having a Vindaloo curry for tea is cracking, I’d go with him on that one if I was you.
        Please keep breathing ~ don’t suffocate yourself on my account, on second thoughts I’m eager to try the old ‘tracheotomy with a pen’ routine I saw on Diagnosis Murder.
        Must dash I want to start my mood board for my ‘collage’ course ~ I’m thinking pasting a ton of caring terms& phrases on a board should secure me a pass … or possibly get me committed, *muffmm* have you any idea how tasty these pritt sticks are

      3. Dearest Pee.
        I do so love hearing from you, it cheers up the gloomiest days because you always give me such a laugh.
        Firstly, you daft thing: GET YOUR GLASSES ON … your short sightedness is getting worse.

        Those aren’t piles you daft apoth, they’re the GRAPES off my helmet – no, sorry I mean my Turd on … no, hang on, what the devil is that thing on my head called? Ohhhh Thank you Mr.C my … TURBAN!

        Don’t you remember I told you that the plastic grapes on the back of my Common Miranda Turban had fallen off and slipped down the back of my trousers?

        The cushion you’re talking about isn’t a cushion. Those are my fake bottom cheeks. Do you like them? I borrowed them from that Darcakshion woman. You must know her. Her bosoms are always on display and she’s got such a huge bottom that she holds a champagne bottle in it and pops the cork with just a gentle squeeze.

        But anyway … I’m getting off subject.
        I borrowed her fakey bottom cheeks because those grapes are killing me, oh… and I couldn’t get the Offy by you to sell me any of your Tena Lady pads as they apparently received a tip off from someone telling them that I was going to be calling in, and not to sell me even so much as a gummy bear. So that was a very disappointing and not uncomfortable journey all for nothing.

        Mr.Cobbs didn’t want a curry, and I can’t say I blame him. It’s still warm weather at night time and he’d be complaining about the inner heat as well as the outter. (And spraying air freshener around the room every time his bottom pops is such a difficult thing to do when the celing fan is whirling around at 73.4 miles per hour. I keep a spray bottle of Orange water on ‘shelf’ of the headboard at the back of the bed (for his curry days and the dogs bottom squeaks) and use it around the room when one of my two bedroom companions tries to kill me with air biscuits of deathly proportions. Sadly, with the fan on, (because it’s so hot still) I end up with that spray of orange fragrance flying straight down on me and I end up smelling a little like a pot of marmalade when I get up in the morning.

        But then, I suppose all I need is the toast at breakfast, and I’ve got everything I need. Ha!

        I notice you mention those Pritt sticks. Now we spoke about these before, do you remember? I explained that it was these which were giving you the ‘blockages’ and making going to the loo difficult. They’re glueing up your insides my darling. You must not eat them!
        Use sellotape. Sellotape will work for your Collage Course. And they’ll understand.

        I can see a PASS coming for you very soon. And we shall all be so proud of you.

        Anyway … it’s time for bed now. So put your crayons away – we don’t want the dog to play with those again, now do we? Multi coloured dog poo may be funny to look at, but they just aren’t what we want to see. Rainbow Poo still has to be picked up in a bag. It’s not magical at all. So put the crayons away.

        Till next time ~ Cobs. x
        (tongue stuck firmly in cheek, but laughing so loud that I’m getting a telling off for it!)

      4. Mrs Cee, doesn’t have the same ring to it as Pee but hey ho,
        You are sooo right about my nearsightedness but I’ve seen enough piles to know yours are the real deal ..part of the more glamorous side to my job, and I’m not one to judge but next time I call round to visit can we at least partake of refreshments before you whip your fake buttocks off for me to glimpse said offending grapes …where on earth did you get Kenny Everett’s ‘Rod Stewart’ costume from anyway ???
        Your cottage has all the mod cons a whirling ceiling fan no less …and as for awakening smelling of orange I’m simply gutted …I tend to rise & shine with my hair akimbo to give even Medusa the fright of her life, my face covered on sheet induced wrinkles, and trying to find my way out of the boudoir without making a sound ..I arise HOURS before Beloved on a work day, and all this is before I have to contend with a stealth cat, then K9 who insists on a major fuss but weighs in about the same as me so we end up sumo wrestling to the back door ~ for him to go out & me to catch a breath of fresh air to combat my hot sweat!!
        Your advice on putting the crayons away was heeded you will be pleased to note, how ever this induced K9 to take revenge and steal / eat part of my best marigold gloves, his poo should come ready wrapped this morning, either that or a visit to the vets for intervention
        UPDATE K9 was outdoors while I wrote this comment marigold has resurfaced so K9’s vet visit is on hold until he snaffles something else unpalatable.
        Have an enjoyable Sunday x

      5. I agree. ‘Mrs Cee’ misses the magic, where-as Mrs Pee does what it says on the jar. [insert laughing hysterically face, because I don’t know the bit of code which would make one of those]

        Nope wrong again. They’re still those plastic grapes which I bought from the pound shop. Believe you me, I had piles when I was pregnant with daughter number two, and I know EXACTLY what those little darlings feel like. [shakes head and winces at memory].

        The Kenny Everett’s ‘Rod Stewart’ costume, I ‘borrowed’ from your wardrobe. Mr.Beloved P knew about it. His actual words were: “Borrow it? I insist you take it and never bring it back!” … so I wore it to the Stewart appreciation night but it didn’t get the reception I’d hoped for. Apparently it was STEWARDS appreciation night and I’d misunderstood. But hey, it brought a little joviality to the proceedings, especially when I got on stage and sang: Tonight’s the Night. Thankfully Mr. Cobs had managed to cut those darn plastic grapes from down the back of my trousers, otherwise the costume would have looked very silly. I doubt that Rod Stewart ever had a bunch of plastic grapes down his trousers!

        With regards to the mod con of ceiling fans .. it didn’t have these when we bought the little box, but I had the electrician install a couple of them when we were doing the renovations and I’m very glad I did because they’ve come in useful during the heat of the summer nights, I’m telling you! The downside is that in the two rooms I had these put in, I can’t have pretty shades – so I went for a fan design which had a light too, and in a combination that felt right for the room.

        LOLling at ‘Medusa’ … I got round that by putting my hair in a pony tail (using a soft, wrapped band) and the up-shot of this is that when I remove this (upon rising) my hair looks so full and as if I’ve ‘done it’. win/win! HA!

        Laughing like a drain about K9 and his ‘marigold glove’ escapade. Bless his heart. He’s worse than having a toddler. LOL. Bless his little heart.

        Sending you Sunday wishes and hoping you have a wonderful day doing anything which pleases you and makes you smile.
        Love Cobs. x

      6. WHAT !!!
        Beloved has gifted you my Rod Stewart outfit ???
        What will I wear for our Wedding Anniversary lunch tomorrow ???
        I need to find an equally flattering ensemble
        *dashing off like a thing possessed with my ar*e on fire*

      7. Oh you silly! You have a full collection of Britney Spears (or Spreas as I originally typed lol) … you could choose out of those. How about the blue Air Hostess one, or the red leather?

        Oh oh oh!!! I know which one you should wear … the schoolgirl outfit. Although mind .. people do tend to give Beloved rather unsavoury looks when you’ve worn that out to places before .. so maybe not.

        There are of course all those Elvis costumes you’ve got. Why not one of those?
        ~ C. x

  5. Oh no!!! Fingers crossed it wasn’t anything important. He might also be saving you from something awful. Sniffing it and decided to protect his loved ones from the horror of what he sniffed. ha!

  6. Could it be that K9 wants to join you at college? Perhaps he wants to be a care dog when he grows up… And by chewing up your first acceptance letter, he’s hoping they’ll send out a joint one for both of you instead! Mind you, if I’m wrong and you show up on the first day of term with a Rottweiler in tow… 😆

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